New Step 1: Learn to make a slip knot.
...this is going to be a loooong night.
ETA: Okay, I learned the slip knot, then found a tutorial that said I didn't even need it. Whatever, I'll save the knowledge for the next time I take someone hostage. I successfully figured out how to cast on. But after 45 minutes, a knotted skein of yarn and accidentally poking myself in the eye TWICE, I'm going to shelve learning the knit stitch for tonight. Maybe tomorrow, in the bright light of day, this will all make sense.
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