Have you heard the saying about someone not being able to find their way out of a paper bag?
Yeah, that saying is about me. I have a horrible directional sense. Or maybe the better thing to say would be that I have no directional sense. Put me in the middle of a warren of suburban streets that I’ve lived all my life and I’ll have no idea on which way to go. Don’t even think about dropping me in a forest…I’d probably be too focused on repeating “Never Eat Soggy Waffles” and accidentally run into a bear. And despite learning the points on a compass through that cute mnemonic trick, I can’t for the life of me make a compass work. Maps foul me up with regularity, and the only reason I’m able to be of any help on road trips is the step-by-step directions from AAA. Thank you, AAA for inventing the trip tik!
Despite my apparent handicap when it comes to directions, I still get asked for them on occasion. To help the pizza delivery guy, to guide someone to a local landmark, to tell someone how to get to the highway. I might be unable to find my way out of a paper bag, but I’ve got a great memory, so some of those tasks are easy. I just remember how someone told me how to get to a location and repeat the instructions. Of course, that doesn’t always work. A couple once asked me how to get to the highway and because I knew I would muck up my own retelling, I repeated the instructions my aunt had told me on our last road trip. If that couple followed my instructions, they had to drive through the country for 45 minutes before they came upon the highway. I sort of always hoped they clued into my lack of confidence and stopped at a gas station for some real help.
Today my brother called for directions to the cable company’s payment office. I had been there a few times but since no one had given me directions…I wasn’t sure how to direct my brother. I still don’t know how I could have made it easier…but I know that I didn’t help at all.
“It’s across from Sears, but not across from the parking lot where the strip mall is, it’s across from the building on the side but sort of near the front. It used to be a little bank that was on the hill and Oh! That’s right! There’s a little hill that you go up but not until you get into the parking lot so the street is not hilly it’s just a regular street. And it goes north, I think. I think it’s north. The other street goes east…or at least it heads towards the college which I think is east. Is that east? It doesn’t matter, that’s the bad street. You don’t want that street. You want the one that is across from Sears but not across from Sears by the strip mall and it’s not a hill and it might go north. Good luck!”
Thankfully, my brother was blessed with enough directional sense that despite my directions he’ll probably be able to find his way home.
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