Our house is old and drafty, and in an effort to reduce heating bills, we decided to block off the upstairs with a curtain in the stairwell. After trying a lot of configurations, the best way to block most of the draft was to hang the long white curtain halfway up the stairs. Almost immediately it was dubbed “The Ghost”. You can’t see it until you start up the stairs and then it’s right there, blocking the entire stairwell. Since it’s heavy enough to keep out the draft, it’s also heavy enough to keep out some of the light and at night you can’t see anything past The Ghost. In the daytime you get faint images, dim shapes and faded light through its folds and honestly, that is more foreboding than the complete darkness.
Getting past The Ghost isn’t just about gathering your courage. In my case, at least, it’s a balancing act. Steps have been my foil ever since I learned to walk and adding a giant obstacle to them seems like a disaster (or at least a tumble) waiting to happen. With nothing in your hands, you can reach for the edge of the curtain by the railing (the other side is velcroed to the wall for minimum draft seepage), pull it to the side and take a step past The Ghost. Then you slide the curtain back over and continue traversing the steps. The problem comes when you’re carrying things. Or when it’s early and you haven’t had your morning coffee. Or when you’re talking on the phone. Or when you miss a step. It’s easy to get tangled up in The Ghost and not as easy as you’d think to get untangled.
Tonight I was heading to bed when I got a bit of a scare. I had barely started up the steps, when from behind The Ghost, came a series of loud beeps. Like a smoke alarm that was sending out morse code. I backed down off the steps and the beeps stopped, leaving the house in a shocked silence. I turned to stare into the living room, wondering how to express “I think our draft dodging ghost curtain has gained sentience and is now sending me messages” without sounding crazy. Edgar gave me an equally shocked looked and then prompted me to go upstairs. Ah ladies, chivalry is truly dead. I demurely declined (laughed in his face and pushed him ahead of me) and he went upstairs to check on the beeping. The Ghost didn’t send him any SOS messages and together we went room to room to check on the possibility of a smoke alarm malfunction. Each room we checked had an open smoke alarm on the ceiling, all missing batteries. (yes, I know that’s dangerous but they kept going off when steam came from the shower and it’s annoying to try and run around the house in your towel waving a broom in the air to silence the alarms) The last smoke alarm in the hallway, right above the ghost was propped against the wall and I flipped it over, exposing the back. I carefully pried up the panel to expose…no battery. Not a single alarm was powered to beep and nothing else upstairs makes that same noise so I’m not sure what was going on.
I did make it past The Ghost tonight, and I’m now sitting in my room trying not to focus on waiting for a beep. Or a lot of beeps. Or beeps that spell out a message. Or a giant evil robot that beeps as it attacks me in the middle of the night to avenge his giant evil robot brothers.
You know, the usual.
ETA: The phone just rang and I jumped half off the bed. I’m brave like a lion.
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