At the finish line

Wake up, and strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God. Revelation 3:2

This verse was part of my homework this week, as the pastor at Judson Baptist  asked us to read the letters to the 7 churches at the beginning of Revelation. As much as it amused me to have church homework, I was bummed to read this verse and have it resonate. I love when God speaks to me, but it always stinks when what He’s saying is that I’ve done something wrong. (I want to be more grown up and accept correction with a grateful spirit but I’m not quite there yet!) While I’ve kept my Lenten fast this whole time, I’ve fallen down on my bible reading during this time. I was doing really well there and then one day I struggled with stuff in my life and didn’t do the verse. Then another day passed and another and suddenly I was so far behind I didn’t want to catch up. I got lazy and stubborn and now here I am at the end of Lent and ashamed of how I quit before I got to the end. I mean, sure, I kept from eating chips the whole time…but fasting during Lent isn’t about the food. That’s called a diet. The whole point is to draw closer to God and I flubbed that part up completely at the end.

The sad thing is, I could see the effect not studying the bible was having on my life. When I got up in the morning (or the night before) and prayed over the bible and found a verse and wrote about it, I could see the difference in my life the next day. My attitude was better, my thoughts were focused on God and while things still went pear-shaped at times, I was able to deal with life in a way that honored God. I felt equipped to handle things and at peace. When I started falling off course, it was easy to tell when I got panicked or depressed or struggled with my anger. I lost my joy and looking back now, even the times I was happy I wonder how much that paled in comparison to what I would have felt if I was closer to God.

So at the end of this Lent, I’m faced with the exciting prospect of finally having chips tomorrow (yay BBQ!) and the humbling knowledge that God taught me about Himself and the importance of His word through my own disobedience. I’m going to try very hard to remember that lesson and go forward from here with a greater appreciation for God’s word and how it’s a very living and active presence in my life.